The one where I tried something new.

And this time, it didn't matter what I looked like.

Hello friend,

Last night I plucked up the courage to try something new.

I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the harder I find it is to join in with group activities. Our village hall has something happening most evenings and even during the day, from badminton to a singing group. Every time the village magazine lands on the doorstep, I browse the range of groups that meet in the village and immediately make my excuses. “There won’t be anyone there my age.” “The kids have a club that evening.” “I will be too tired to leave the house at that time of night.” You get my drift? Maybe you are the same.

But I have reached a point now where I can feel my confidence is going and I am becoming more of a recluse. I work most days on my own with no interaction with another adult, apart from the food shop man from Tesco and perhaps a nod to a mum at school pick up. Meaning by the time my husband comes home from work, I have forgotten how to talk properly and greet him with a grunt and listen while he fills me in on his day and the funny interactions he has had with work mates.

A lonely side to being self employed and a mum of three.

But, enough is enough. I needed to do something about it. So last night, as the rain lashed down and I debated making my excuses (I have been snuffly all day, perhaps I am too ill to go), I pulled on my leggings, my scruffy trainers, filled up my son’s water bottle because mine was in the dishwasher, and headed along to my very first Zumba class!

Photo by Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash

It may not shock you to hear that I absolutely loved it. And here’s why…

• It felt good to be out the house doing something for myself.

• I met a lovely mum who (I hope feels the same) we clicked straight away and chatted on the walk home.

• I sweated and got out of breath. Hello endorphins!

• I wasn’t very good at it but for the first time in my life…I didn’t care. I danced to music I loved, raised my heart rate and let go of the idea of perfection. The idea that I have to be good everything I do.

I wonder if this is what has stopped me from trying something new or quitting a bit too easily, in the past. The idea that I have to good (or the best) at everything I do. My husband asked why I didn’t pick up drama or playing a musical instrument again. “Because I won’t be very good at it now,” was my reply. “So what?” he said. Hmmm… dammit. He is right again.

Letting go of the idea of perfection is hard. Even if you don’t think you are a perfectionist. I certainly don’t put myself in this category but I do always try my hardest to be the best and when I predictably fail, I am left feeling bruised, disappointed and embarrassed. Motherhood being the biggest culprit of this. But what if the bar wasn’t set so high to start with?

I have never done Zumba before in my life, this was all brand new. I’m not doing it to be the best at it. I am doing it for me and me only.

I am interested to know:

Have you lost your confidence recently? Perhaps through motherhood or from rejection? Both very plausible reasons for confidence to slide.

What have you done about it? Started a new hobby/joined a club/exercised/dressed differently or treated yourself to having your hair done? Did it help? Let me know ❤️

And if you want any Zumba tips - don’t come to me, I will just wiggle my hips at you while waving my arms in the air like I just don’t care 😘