The school run left me thinking...
Turning mum guilt into a plan of action.
This morning was the usual hectic rush, of bags, coats, toddler wrestling and homework checking. It doesn’t start that way of course, when we wake up nice and early while the moon and stars are still clearly twinkling in the sky. I feel at that time of the morning, the hours ahead stretch out and I have all the time in the world to prepare for the day ahead.
Then BAM! It is 8:10am and we are going to be late for the school buses. Heart rate raised and into the room races “monster mum”. She raises her voice and answers questions in an exasperated tone. She flings bags and drinks bottles onto the pushchair and chases a two year old down the hall attempting to fit her into her coat. She wants a different one on today.
As we race along the street of our small village, heading towards the bus stop where two of my child each catch a seperate bus heading in different directions, I know I am walking too fast for my six year old to keep up. I try to ease up slightly as she will most likely complain of a stitch soon. But her mind is up in the clouds and daydreaming won’t get us to the bus stop on time.
My husband has the car with him at work, so if we miss the school bus I’m not sure how I would get them to school. I envisage the school sending out one of their teachers in a car to come and collect the poor children whose mother coudln’t get them to the bus stop on time.
We make it with time to spare. We always do, thanks to “manic mode” as we leave the house. I kiss the kids goodbye and then they leave for the day on the noisy school bus which they both complain is too loud.
The walk back home is slower, the toddler choosing to walk instead of having an easy ride in her pushchair. By the time we reach our front door, I am floored with mum guilt. I didn’t need to raise my voice. They didn’t need me to be stressed and snappy. They needed a calm school run before embarking on their day of learning and playing with their friends.
After my toddler heads off for the day with her grandparents, I set up my work space for the day ahead. On this particular day I have two deadlines and a Christmas shopping list to write. I pour my coffee (my favourite part of my working day) and sit down ready to write. My phone distracts me with messages and reminders already coming in from the school but I press pause on them for now.
I open Spotify and search for the podcast that I know will calm my morning. At the moment I am REALLY enjoying The Calm Christmas podcast by Beth Kempton. I mentioned it in my last Substack because it is so good. Also because I generally don’t listen to that many podcasts so my recommendations list is short.
I journal before I start work because I have a lot on my mind this morning and one of the emotions that jumps out the page at me is “mum guilt”. We know that feeling right?
I feel guilty for how our morning panned out. Far from the idyllic and calm I always try and conjure up in my mind.
I feel guilty that the house is a tip, again, after our busy weekend.
I feel guilty that over the coming weeks I already know there will be times when I lose my cool and snap.
Then a light bulb goes off.
I flip open my diary and scan the few weekends we have left before Christmas. Ah, Sunday the 18th of December is free. No plans have been made for then yet. I write in “Christmas Baking Day”. This is going to be a day when we can re-connect as a family amidst the Christmas build up. Let’s keep this day free.
Those who wish to bake can join me in the kitchen for a cook-a-long with festive tunes and chocolate treats. If they would rather sit and watch a Christmas film or play in the garden that is fine too. I have learnt over the last nine and a half years of being a parent, to let go of any high hopes and big expectations. But I can at least make some form of a plan because that will help me, right now, ease some of the mum guilt.
The kids know I love them and one day they too will most likely be rushing out the house in a morning, trying to get their own family ready. I want them to remember the little pockets of calm I can create, as well as the way I made them power walk to the bus stop!
Christmas is a busy time of year and it can also be the most STRESSFUL time of the year too. But, for a change, I am trying to use November to achieve as much as possible off my “to do” list so I can enjoy the month I have LITERALLY waited all year for.
Join me on Instagram to polish off your “ta da” lists, check in with how the shopping is going and to re-connect with our families at this special time of year.
