A humbling Christmas thought
As we enter the busiest time of year for parents.
Driving home from a bracing walk in the Simonside Hills, which is a short drive from where we live in Northumberland, I turn to my son who is in the front seat next to me and ask: “What is your favourite Christmas day out we do?”
I asked this as we are reaching that point of the year where I realise I have left it too late to book most attractions, whilst also working out the cost for five of us to go to said attractions. The Christmas light show at the Alnwick Garden, for example, is gorgeous but sets us back nearly 60 quid, so I need to know I am putting my money into the right attraction.
What has been their most enjoyable experience and what would the children like to do this year, I wonder. Hence my question to my ten year old.
Over the last ten years we have treated them to (or they have gone with grandparents) Father Christmas train ride at Aln Valley Railway, Christmas at Wallington Hall, Christmas at Cragside, Christmas light show at the Alnwick Garden and Christmas at Bamburgh Castle. We tend not to visit Father Christmas in his grotto because they are all slightly scared of him and they also see him at school when he visits at the end of a sweaty disco and so I don’t want to confuse them by seeing him too much. Surely that loses the magic.
So which of these lovely experiences will he choose…
“Getting pick’n’mix from Wilkinsons.”
Seriously? His favourite activity in December is getting sweets from a cheap (but great) shop that has now closed down?
I try the girls.
They answer the same. The middle one because she has suddenly remembered how much she loves sweets and my youngest because she has no idea what Christmas is really about. This is the first year she will be “properly” into it.
As disappointed as I was by this reply (I flippin’ love Christmas), it did get me thinking: why do I NEED to fork out all this money for a Christmas experience, when lets face it, we are all happy driving round the towns looking at Christmas lights, drinking hot chocolate with a Christmas film and having a walk round our favourite National Trust site?
This led to some nostalgia of Christmas from childhood. I have fond memories of school plays with itchy tinsel crowns, village fairs with old ladies selling knitted angels and opening the doors of my advent calendar. Stomping behind my parents on a walk through frost encrusted fields, singing carols in the cold church and watching “It’s a wonderful life” with my mum. I don’t think my parents spent money on extravagant Christmas experiences (and if they did, I’m sorry mum and dad I can’t remember them but perhaps that proves my point?)
I was recently doing some research for a short story about homelessness. I fell down a rabbit hole reading stories of true experiences of homelessness on the Crisis website. So many of the stories I was reading, involved what happens around Christmas and their pure appreciation for company, a hot meal, perhaps a mince pie and kindness.
As one chap commented “because that is really what Christmas is about isn’t it?”
It is.
And I think we forget that amongst all the social media posts and marketing ploys (I am apart of this for my job as digital officer for various north east organisations, so fully appreciate the irony), the true meaning of Christmas and what is it our children REALLY want to do.
Play board games as a family, giving each other the space to talk and listen. Eating good food and being appreciative for it. Company. Twinkly lights and the mystery of Father Christmas.
I am sorry if I sound like a Scrooge but I just wanted to let you know, before you worry your busy mind even further, that of all the Christmas experiences on offer to my son, he chose going to a sweet shop and filling a paper bag with a few treats, with his sisters, mum and dad over anything else.
Every year when we say, “lets go for drive to see the Christmas lights” it is met with cheers of excitement from our three children.
Thank you for the humbling reminder Cub that simple is best. Magic can be the unseen and live in our minds. Christmas is about being together. Music, lights, comfort and home.
A few of my friends are just approaching their first Christmas as parents and I imagine over the next few years will want to do all the Christmassy stuff, like visiting Santa for a photo, as we did when we first became parents. And that is great! They will love it - as we did. But this year I am toning it down. Simplifying the days out in favour for appreciating the little moments that we don’t think are memorable to our children but they really are.
I’m not thrilled that sweet shopping is top of his list, and hopefully his Halloween haul from last night may keep him sweets for a while, however there are lots of lovely things we can be doing. That cost nothing and don’t require me to be booking in August. I shall take that off my to-do list.
For those of you who feel the Christmas overwhelm, I recommend
“The Calm Christmas” podcast which is back for it’s third series on the 8th November; if you are looking to embrace calm and cosy in the build up to Christmas this is for you - I can’t wait!
We’re getting ready to install a new wood-pellet-burning fireplace, and last night as we were looking at all the bits and pieces that come with it, my husband remarked, “I’m really glad we’re getting this done before the holidays. I hope it creates a really nice, cozy spot we all want to be around and where we play games and read out loud and stuff this winter.”
That’s what your post reminded me of. It’s the same feeling--a focus on family and being together and doing things together in the moment, without a focus on picture opportunities and fancy outings. Thank you for sharing this! It makes me even more excited to try to create a slower-paced, calm, cozy holiday season for my family
I am opting out of all the lead up this year Beth as we make space for Luna’s birthday and remembering Ray.
I love this approach of asking the children. Now how to make that magical pick and mix come to life for them! ✨✨✨🪄✨✨✨